


Windows to the Soul

by Demi_Fae



Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Order 66, second person? love that bitch, yes you read that correctly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26744764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demi_Fae/pseuds/Demi_Fae
Summary: You’re celebrating when it happens. Another battle, won with fewer casualties than is unfortunately regular. You look around to your men and you think- we might win this. One day this war will be over, and you can rest.You can go back to your Temple with your family, mourn those you’ve lost, and celebrate the brothers joining. You can lay down your lightsabers, let them rest- for they are tired too, the kyber just as worn as the Jedi they have bonded with- and you can go back to your art. To studying history and literature, helping those who need it rather than senators who demand your attention and reduce your faith in the Force to mere parlor tricks. You can raise your younglings in a time of peace instead of sending padawans to war and you can sit and just breathe. You never missed the quiet before.-Day 5: On the Run |Failed Escape| Rescue
Relationships: Jedi Master Character(s) & Jedi Padawan Character(s), Master & Padawan - Relationship
Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930612
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Windows to the Soul

You’re celebrating when it happens. Another battle, won with fewer casualties than is unfortunately regular. You look around to your men and you think- we might win this. One day this war will be over, and you can rest. 

You can go back to your Temple with your family, mourn those you’ve lost, and celebrate the brothers joining. You can lay down your lightsabers, let them rest- for they are tired too, the kyber just as worn as the Jedi they have bonded with- and you can go back to your art. To studying history and literature, helping those who need it rather than senators who demand your attention and reduce your faith in the Force to mere parlor tricks. You can raise your younglings in a time of peace instead of sending padawans to war and you can sit and just breathe. You never missed the quiet before. 

You long to just be home and all that it means. But for now you smile and you celebrate and you hope for a brighter future. The clones around you are bright spots in the Force- each unique in their own ways and you could never understand how some cannot believe them to be individuals. One of the older ones who knows you better cuffs you on the shoulder. There is still a celebration to enjoy after all. 

You are still smiling when it happens. It feels like a block of duracrete has hit you and you stumble to the side, clutching your head. The Force, so warm and loving, is screaming in pain. The bonds you have with your siblings (not like the one with your master, not at all, but they still exist) snap one by one. It feels like a blanket unraveling except the blanket is your mind, and as all these strings pull away they bring bits of yourself with them. It is not a pleasant feeling. There is no way you know of to stop the pain either, for these are bonds tied to your deepest self- these are people you trust with your entire heart. As you stumble away a shot hits the ground where you were just standing and you would have thought it odd an intruder had made its way onto your ship had you been able to think past the pain. 

The relief you feel when your master appears is like nothing you’ve felt before. You have no idea what’s going on. You were so happy, and now it feels as if there is no joy left. You feel like shattering into a million pieces right in the center of the floor. Right now there is no greater need than to climb into their arms and let them hold you as you cry. To listen to their voice as they sing lullabies to you, like they used to when you were younger. Like they do after the worse battles you barely live through. 

Instead your master pushes you to the ground and is shot in the back by the men who were just laughing with you. There is no emotion on their faces but there is one on your master’s- betrayal. Your master falls to the ground and you think you scream, but you can’t hear past what’s in your brain. You can only stand in horror as your master does their best to shield you from the pain they are in- to push feelings on warmth and love and strength through your bond, to tell you _ben_ , endure- before it, too, snaps. 

This one is more painful than any other bond you have felt disappear. You could barely discribe it if asked, you only know that one moment it was there and the next it was not and the hurt that was in between. You don’t think that pain could ever fade. 

And then you're running. You're running and you can't stop no matter how much your legs ache and your heart pounds and your lungs burn. You can't stop because they're chasing you and they won't hesitate to kill you, even though you've known them for years, because you just saw them kill your master. 

Tears burn in your eyes and slip down your cheeks as you think of your master. The one who'd taken you to train and raise, who's been there for you for years. The one who helped you with your lightsaber forms, taught you how to sneak out of the Temple properly. The one who taught you how to love every being, no matter how small or large, and value their lives. 

Across the galaxy the Force cried out. This wasn't a short scream of surprise or a moan of terror- this was the aching, sobbing mess of a parent mourning their children. Everything you felt so keenly was amplified a thousand times as you try to reach out to the rest of the Jedi, to anyone, and there is nothing good anywhere. It feels like the only constant in the universe was pain because already you have forgotten that anything else has existed. 

(That is a lie. You remember being happy- you were only minutes ago. No, you try to forget that joy because somehow it makes the pain worsen and you didn’t think that was possible.)

There was the pain of your brothers and sisters and siblings disappearing from your senses, void where there were once stars. It ripped your mind into pieces, threw you off your feet as you desperately reached out for anyone- only to find silence echoing back at you, fingers grasping at the darkness shrouding the galaxy.

You knew you couldn’t run forever. The clones’ footsteps were never far behind you but now they are catching up. You don’t think you could lift your saber to defend yourself against your family but you do anyway, kyber screaming with you. You redirect the first few blasts towards the ceiling and walls, unwilling to hurt them even as they shoot at you. 

Soon you can’t even do that and a few clones fall victim to their own bolts. You can feel their lights go out, and the terrifying thing it is doesn’t even feel like them anymore. Where there was life, light, and color there is now a blank slate and barely a whisper is spoken as they slip into the Force. 

One bolt makes it past your defense, then another. You collapse. You’ve been put through so much already, you cannot take anymore. One soldier breaks off from the rest to approach you and you watch as he points his blaster at you. 

More than the pure agony infused in every party of your body, what really hurts is his eyes. They stare down at you- they're the same eyes that smiled at you every morning, celebrating victories. They're the eyes that cried as you did, mourning the losses of yet another battle. This is the clone- the _man_ you've been serving next to for this entire war and you've come to love him as a father, brother, cousin, best friend- as family. 

And as he raises his arm to pull the trigger and kill you, you realize that you don't recognize those eyes at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> You can yell at me on tumblr at [rynae-reblogs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rynae-reblogs)


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